Why I couldn’t care less about Duke Nukem Forever

15 09 2010

Many of you already know this, or your subconscious knows it, but I thought why not spell it out in the simplest terms possible. No long winded argument or impassioned diatribe. Just my opinion, presented as fact: Duke Nukem, as both a game and a character, is obsolete.

He’s a rude, misogynistic dirtbag with diarrhea of the mouth who loves strippers and blowing shit up. It was campy back then; now it’s just tired. Movies like Grindhouse have appealed to similar faculties, with debatable success, yet Duke seems strangely out of place 14 years after the game’s original announcement.

Look back at the shooters we were playing in the late 90s, when Duke Nukem Forever was still a “game in development” and not a “running joke.” Goldeneye, Quake, Half-Life, even Duke Nukem 3D – all classics, and no doubt worth revisiting, but it doesn’t take much examination to notice that they can’t hold a candle to today’s shooters.

There is simply no possibility that Gearbox, however respectable their track record, will be able to elevate Forever from its troubled past well enough for it to compete with Halo: Reach, Call of Duty: Black Ops, and whatever other modern shooters have impressed new genre conventions on gamers by the time it hits shelves next year.

I’m 22 years old. I’ve been gaming nonstop since I was three. I don’t remember ever playing a single game starring “the King, baby,” but for this argument, I don’t have to. Actually, that very fact is the nail in Duke’s digital coffin; despite shows of enthusiasm by PAX goers slightly older than myself, the appeal of Duke Nukem Forever lies solely in the novelty of seeing it actually released. Gamers, and gaming, have evolved, and there’s no longer a place for him in our world.





“Perfect Dark” XBLA is coming

4 03 2010

Perfect Dark XBLA is coming out soon (March 17 to be exact), and Worthplaying snagged an interview with The Klobb himself, creative director at Microsoft Game Studios Ken Lobb.

4 player splitscreen, Goldeneye's levels.. yes, that is Facility, I mean Felicity.. sigh

Back in the era of Goldeneye, Lobb was infamous for having the crappiest gun in the game, the Klobb, named after him. Using the thing felt like trying to kill Jaws with a stapler. Now, Lobb is overseeing the XBLA arcade version of Perfect Dark, the spiritual sequel to Goldeneye, and one of the best first person shooters ever made.

According to Lobb, Rare started out 11 months ago with a brand new engine, porting over the geometry and other core elements, while all the artistic elements- textures, character and gun models, skyboxes, etc.- have been completely redone. It runs in 1080p at 60fps with modern dual analog controls and full xbox live and achievement support, but what’s got me more excited than the new features is what’s made it over from the N64 version.

the new skyboxes and textures are beautiful, although Elvis and his Mayan brethren look scary as hell now

Four player splitscreen, co-op, counter-op and versus, and bots are all included, and- probably best of all- Goldeneye‘s entire arsenal (and 3 multiplayer maps) will be usable not only in campaign missions, but in multiplayer modes as well. The final cherry on top of Perfect Dark XBLA‘s massive, delicious win cupcake is that it will only cost 10 dollars. Yes. Am I the only one who’s more excited about this than God of War 3 and Final Fantasy 13 combined? Who even cares what else is coming out in March? Retro resurgence for the win!

Check out Worthplaying’s interview for the some seriously great info from The Klobb.

Images from http://www.rareware.com/games/pdarcade/images.html





Attention Internet: got me some “Bioshock 2″

17 02 2010

Although I rarely have the funds to buy new games in a timely manner (and therefore at full price), much less the time to play them, a mysterious benefactor recently gave me a copy of Bioshock 2. So far I’ve had a chance to accompany Big Daddy “Subject Delta” through the first two levels, the Adonis Luxury Resort and the Atlantic Express.

seriously, Big Sisters are terrifying

Delta, a mysterious Big Daddy who’ll hopefuly be fleshed out more as the game unfolds, is incapacitated early in the game (as in, the opening cut scene), and players take control of him a decade later when he finally wakes up from an apparent coma. Now, there’s one thing I’ve read from multiple critics when it comes to Rapture’s return in Bioshock 2, and Kotaku’s Michael McWhertor put it nicely: “An added chapter to a story as revered as BioShock’s may feel like an unnecessary thing—except for Take-Two Interactive shareholders, of course,” he writes in his review, adding, somewhat repentantly, “While I prefer to not have every nook and cranny of fiction that I enjoy explored, BioShock 2′s digging into the origins of many characters is fascinating.”

The consensus, echoed in Destructoid’s review (“Whether or not BioShock 2 is required isn’t for us to decide”), as well as Joystiq’s (“It didn’t need a sequel”), is that the mere creation of this game in the first place was a bold move. Revisiting the lush undersea dystopia is alluring for anyone who played Bioshock, but doing so also exposes one of the most intense and compelling worlds ever created in a video game to the possibility of being mishandled, adulterated, and ultimately cheapened. The passing of the torch from Irrational Games (a.k.a. 2K Boston) to 2K Marin only increased gamers’ wariness, despite savvy comments from the developers.

Was it a risk worth taking? All I can say, having spent only a little time in the older, scarier, Big Sister-inhabited Rapture, is I’m excited. Excited to find out more about Subject Delta (what happened to Alpha and Beta subjects?), to get the crap scared out of me by more spidery, agile Big Sisters, and to explore a Rapture that, ten years after the events of Bioshock, is just as mysterious and inviting as ever. I look forward to writing a proper review.

Image taken from http://www.2kgames.com/games/bioshock-2.





Past Deadline Review: “Halo 3: ODST” is better the second time

1 02 2010

There is a very small middle ground when it comes to last fall’s Halo 3: ODST. Although the game was well received by some, many long time Halo fans were disappointed by the apparent lack of content and innovation in ODST. These are people who, like myself, stuck with Halo throughout the years despite ever increasing criticism of series’ seeming inability to evolve in a gaming world filled with sprinting, cover systems and insanely fast paced gameplay.

laser eye surgery in the future is actually a lot more dangerous

I think many of the now disillusioned and bitter fans should go back and try again. ODST, like every Halo game since Combat Evolved, was built up to the point of mania months before its release. Bungie encourages this degree of hype, seeming to bask in it as the tiniest imaginable bits of information to trickle down to starving fans. In this case, they may have standby’d themselves.

With expectations running high, ODST was doomed to disappoint. Fans who weren’t expecting what they got- a detailed, excellently produced, balanced, and interesting expansion to Halo 3- didn’t do enough research and saw too many TV ads. The pacing of the campaign, called plodding by some, I call deliberate; the atmosphere, likewise, is brooding and intriguing. The combination makes for a game very unlike its contemporaries in that players are asked to fill the role of the lost, stranded soldier, outnumbered in a war torn metropolis, and experience the parts that make them wonder what that soldier must be thinking and feeling in addition to what he will be shooting at next.

It requires a certain attitude to fully appreciate what Bungie has done. I would challenge fans who were unpleasantly surprised by ODST‘s campaign to try playing through it again with a different mindset. Notice things like the way the story, especially the subplot heard through the various audio logs scattered around the crumbling city, parallels Dante’s Divine Comedy (hint: the logs are identified in your VISR menu according to which of Dante’s 9 circles of Hell they correspond to- read more here, it is very much worth it). The bottom line is, the best parts of the campaign can’t really be experienced like a normal Halo game.

safari zone is the only place to catch the elusive Tauros

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I’d like to talk about my favorite part of ODST: Firefight! Team up with other players and struggle to survive wave after wave of enemies with limited ammo and health packs, while being subjected all the while to ever shifting sets of variables that force players to think up new strategies after every single round.

Four waves of randomly generated enemies, followed by one wave of heavily armored Brutes and Brute chieftains, make up a round. At the end of each round, ammo and health packs are dropped into the map, and a new variable- in the form of skulls that cause enemies to drop less ammo, throw more grenades, and be more cunning- is added to the mix. After three rounds, a set is completed, and more new skulls are turned on. This may sound confusing, and it is. And on Heroic difficulty, which I recommend for four experienced Halo players to really stretch their legs in, one set can take more than half an hour to complete.

I know this game came out four months ago, but it took me almost that long to actually get on a message board and find three other people to play with. Prior to this I had played with my girlfriend in split screen and with real life friends over Xbox live. However, I have found through experience that yelling at my friends for wasting all the rockets shooting at drones does not go over well. I have no such qualms about yelling at strangers.

Firefight: the best thing since THIS?! you betcha.

The biggest downfall of Firefight is the lack of a matchmaking, lobby browsing, or another in game system of finding strangers to play with. Posting on a message board and waiting for three people to respond is, admittedly, way more effort than should be required to team up with fellow players. And to top it off, it’s borderline maddening trying to connect with players who won’t quit or get disconnected in the middle of the match, sending everyone hurtling back to the main menu, crying all the way. Lagging out after an hour and a half of careful strategizing and cautious progress is enough to burn you out for a week or two.

Find three other compatible connections, however, and the resulting game will be well worth it. Tactics and communication are key to surviving past the first few rounds. Lives run out fast. Heavy weapons must be kept track of, and each player needs to stick to a specific role, from recon to ammo scout, especially on larger maps. Every match with different players will force you to examine your strengths and those of your teammates so you can tweak your strategies accordingly. Everyone on your team will die a lot.. at first. However, once all four players find their roles in the squad and get into the rhythm of the game, frustration turns to satisfaction and the points rack up.

will "Reach" include Firefight? if Bungie knows what's good for them.

Firefight is at its best when you’re playing with a full squad of experienced, intelligent players over Xbox Live. Unfortunately, unless all your friends are Halo geeks, connecting with other players will require too much time and effort to be practical most of the time. Because of this, Firefight will, for most people, remain something that could have been great. If you experience it the right way even once, though, you’ll discover what amounts to the freshest Halo experience since Combat Evolved‘s multiplayer in 2001 forever changed the way I play games with my friends. It is so good that I just wrote about 700 more words than I originally intended to. If Bungie remembers to include Firefight in Halo: Reach with a matchmaking mode, I’m pretty sure I would never have to play another Call of Duty game again, and that would be a relief.





Red Eye Review: Modern Warfare: enemy UAV is airborne

28 10 2008

My roommate is addicted to CoD4. He plays it every night.

I am not addicted to CoD4. I only play it when he plays it. That’s the only reason I’m playing it right now.

All I have to do is advance to General. That means that I only need 264 more points, which means that I’m playing one more game.

I think I’m only playing one more game, until fucking choklitSTARFISH starts spawn killing me with grenades from across the Bog. This guy needs to be taught that the only thing he has going for him right now is luck, and that luck rarely lasts more than one round. So I stay in the lobby when the game ends and wait for the next one to start up.

I prove my point by going 14-8 on Strike while he gets stuck at 0-1 before quitting halfway through the match. A silenced P90 nets me a helicopter and a 9 kill streak. I’m going to assume it was my perfectly executed revenge that caused him to quit, rather than the fact that it’s 3 am.

fking Evil Caesar

My roommate (the one with the problem) went to bed an hour and a half ago. He has class tomorrow. I wouldn’t have even started playing this tonight if it hadn’t been for him, so why am I the one up trading kills with a guy who chose to name himself after a Limp Bizkit album?
I know what it is about this game that makes me need to keep playing it almost a year after its release. The always rewarding cycle of level up, unlock new perk / weapon, repeat, etc. is addictive like drunk WoW, and the massive number of possible perk, weapon, and attachment combinations make me want to try every strategy I can think of.

I can pretend it doesn’t exist when no one else is playing it. In fact, I’ve gone months without putting the disc in my 360. I’ve got better things to do. I’ve got better games to play. I never finished Persona 3, and I’m still only on chapter 7 of Dead Space.

It’s my roommate’s fault. He should be spending his time more wisely.

I think it’s time for an intervention.








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